My husband had brain cancer for many years. It went into remission due to some great alternative medicine, but his brain was damaged by that time and he needed continuous caretaking.
I could not accept that the rest of my life was about caretaking. I fought it and fought it and cried and cried with despair for months.... who knows how long....finally out of utter exhaustion I gave in, accepted that if this was what my life was about....OK. There was such peace afterwards.
There were still many, many moments of frustration and struggle but never to the same degree of wanting him to die so I could have 'my' life back.
When the tears and fighting bottom out, it is grace to just get up in the morning and be in service to the Heart, whatever it looks like.
With gratitude for the classroom of Life.
Mags, this is sooo beautiful, and so timely for me. Although it is not my husband who needs caretaking, there are other family members who need my attention more and more. I have found myself in the same place as you describe - not accepting that the rest of 'my' life will be about taking care of family, wanting my life back, frustration, exhaustion, anger, resentment, etc. Just wanting to walk away. Oh dear... Sounds rather narcissistic doesn't it!
Am learning to ..."be in service to the Heart, whatever it looks like." One day at a time...
Much love and gratitude! Christine
Posted by: Christine | 08/27/2011 at 11:22 AM
Not at all narcissistic to me.....totally human. It will unfold just perfectly......as you know only too well.
Much love as always Christine and thank you dearest,
Mags
Posted by: Mags | 08/27/2011 at 12:34 PM
Dearest Mags..."finally out of utter exhaustion I gave in, accepted that if this was what my life was about....OK. There was such peace afterwards." -- Yes. Thank You. ((♥))
Posted by: Leslie | 08/28/2011 at 08:20 AM
Dearest Leslie.....✿ܓ
Posted by: Mags | 08/29/2011 at 12:18 PM