I grew up in rural Ireland, immersed in pretty strong Catholicism. In my teenage years I became disillusioned with the Church and didn't think very much about God until a gnawing sense of unworthiness and emptiness set me looking for Something in my early thirties. I found some meaning in New Age thought for a number of years but my husband's long struggle with brain cancer woke me up rudely to any illusions about the power of the mind in the face of a Greater Will.
When I discovered non-dual teachings, firstly in the form of A Course in Miracles, I was profoundly relieved and grateful to know there was such a thing as Home and now with God's help I could find my way there. Many years of sitting with various teachers and attending silent retreats followed.
A divorce from my second husband catapulted me into a dark place. A serious wearing down process ensued and the heart was forced open to very uncomfortable states of mind simply because nothing else could work.
In 2008 I visited the Peruvian jungle for a series of deep shamanic journeys. On one of these journeys the truth of existence was irrevocably seen: that in the entirety of this place we call the universe THERE IS NOBODY HERE. That nothing ever happened, nothing is happening and nothing will ever happen. That we are all playing charades, parlor games at their best, pretending we are somebodys. That there is nothing outside the vibrant, shining stillness of the Absolute. Words could never capture how riveting this seeing was and how utterly shocking it was to the mind. And the truth is shocking to the mind that believes so completely in its own existence.
Much integrative time has passed and, as is the natural way of it, love and awakeness continue to blossom and deepen. The humbling and wearing down of the personal self unfolds. And there remains deepest gratitude to the Beloved for stirring the embers of this heart into Its own eternal blaze.
